Be Crowned, Not Clowned!

The blog to help you get through being cheated on and move on beyond the infidelity

While you may feel emotionally vulnerable, I aim to inject as much logic and frameworks in helping you chart your way forward out of the pain, so that you can regain your crown after being clowned

Blog Posts

If you just need pragmatic advice, see “Advice”
If you are feeling blind rage, see the “Ground Zero” posts
If you have processed it, but don’t really know where to go from here, see the “Guides for the future”
If you are calm and in the process of moving on, but tired of the whole situation, see “Warm Cup of Tea”
If you read a galling article that makes you question your beliefs, see if I’ve addressed it in “Alternate Perspectives” – feel free to suggest articles to me!

All posts

Gaslighter Buster!

Too many betrayed partners find themselves apologising for imagined faults. You were the one betrayed, yet somehow you’re made to feel guilty and responsible. The awfulness of cheating doesn’t just stem from the shocking pain from the act of betrayal. It’s also the residual lying, deception and manipulation that creates a residual anger. In particular,…
Rebuilding Trust

Trust, once broken, feels almost impossible to glue back together. If you’re reading this, you’re probably carrying a heavy heart. Maybe, despite the hurt, you realise you still love the cheater, and reconciliation is on your mind. I’m usually quick to encourage people to dump cheaters, but I know not everyone can immediately accept this…
The Unfair Burden: Handling logistics after betrayal

Your heart shatters like glass against concrete when you discover the betrayal. But what follows cuts deeper into the initial wound: the mountain of paperwork, the endless phone calls, and the administrative nightmare left entirely on your shoulders while the cheater vanishes into thin air. The same people who boldly pursued their selfish desires suddenly…
‘The refutation of a cheater apologist’s perspective

Original article This article raises a lot of valid points on relationships, but unfortunately, this little snippet on cheating embedded within was an exception. When I got cheated on, I consumed a lot of literature. Podcasts, books, relationship articles. There was a lot I disagreed with, but they seemed to form the zeitgeist around infidelity…
Should I confront my cheater?

Discovering that someone you love has been unfaithful is one of the most painful experiences you can face. The shock, confusion, and heartbreak can leave you feeling lost and unsure of what to do next. If you’re reading this, you may be grappling with the decision of whether and/or how to confront your partner about…
You’re not alone in being cheated on

It can feel incredibly lonely when you realise someone you once loved has betrayed your trust. Please remember, it’s not your fault for believing in the wrong person. Anyone can be cheated on, and you’re certainly not alone in this. That said, there are numerous public examples of people who were cheated on and, through…
Just got cheated on – some advice

So you’ve just found out you’ve been cheated on. It’s a horrible place to be, and the next days will be tough. I’ve gone through it myself to know the bitter pain. Having heard from many folks about their experiences, I hope this might be a useful path out of the whirlpool to whoever is…
It’s going to hurt to leave even those that hurt you

Getting over a relationship, especially after being cheated on, is rarely a neat or painless affair. Breakup grief is so common it almost feels trite to mention, but the pain of infidelity is often underestimated, even by those experiencing it. If you’re expecting a quick fix or a tidy emotional resolution, I’d advise that it’s…
Cheating Isn’t Human. It’s Just Weak.

You know how you get to use a get-out-of-jail-free card in a game of Monopoly? Many cheaters seem to think this option exists when confronting their sin against you. It’s this tired old fallacy: “I made a mistake. I’m only human.” As if cheating is some inevitable by-product of being alive. As if we’re all…
Dealing with infidelity insomnia

Ugh, this was bad. There were nights when I would suddenly wake after just five hours of sleep, heart racing, eyes wide open, completely alert. Not because of a nightmare, but because my brain had queued up another replay. A mental movie. The same scene on loop. The moment I found out. The look on…
The Pervasive Nature of Infidelity

Ever heard someone claim, “What happens at home stays at home” or insist, “He’d never cheat on me, I’m special!”? Let’s cut through the wishful thinking. Recent research reveals a hard truth: infidelity isn’t just a private slip-up, it’s a flashing neon sign pointing to deeper character flaws that seep into every corner of life,…
Only the Cheater is Accountable for Cheating

“Walking away is the only choice anyone ever has.” — Naomi Nagata, The Expanse It’s said that there’s nothing certain in life except death and taxes. Let me be crystal clear that there is a third certainty: The decision to cheat lies solely with the person who made that choice, and is never the fault…
Sell recommendation: Theranos, Frank, Enron, and Cheaters

I’m a bit of a nerd when it comes to business news. When I was grappling with the fallout of being cheated on, I realised how cheating could be compared to financial frauds, and the parallels we can draw between the two. Being cheated on is a very emotional affair, so thinking about this in…
Friend cheated on their significant other

When your friend cheats, staying neutral might feel like the easiest option. It avoids confrontation, preserves the status quo, and spares you the discomfort of getting involved. But ethical responsibility demands more than passive silence. But what feels like the middle ground often isn’t as neutral as we’d like to believe. Sometimes, the ethical choice…
Taking care of your health

Not only does being cheated on hurt emotionally, but it can also have real, tangible effects on your health. It’s completely unfair, but knowing what to watch out for means you can take back some control. You can take preventive action and protect yourself as best as possible. There are three areas to be careful…
Chumpterarian Romantics

Joseph Schumpeter showed that economic development undergoes waves of creative destruction. This theory posits that economic progress occurs through a continuous process where entrepreneurs introduce innovations that revolutionise economic structures from within, simultaneously destroying old industries while creating new ones. As an economics nerd, I see being cheated on not as a dead end, but…
The Contortions You May Face From a Cheater

When you first get cheated on, your first instinct might be to confront the cheater. Why? How? Unfortunately, cheaters have a litany of excuses. Fortunately, they tend to fall into predictable categories. I list some of the common ones below and why they are immensely problematic. Hopefully, you can avoid being gaslit and dodge any…
A message to affair partners, from the cheated on

It’s pathetic that you would desire our table scraps. Yet, like any civilised person, either ask for the scraps or wait for us to leave the table. By sneakily taking it off our plates, it’s pretty disrespectful, even if you have shown us that we never really liked what you took anyway. If we, the…
Regretting the Sunk Cost

Six years. A shared future. A life built together. And then I found out about the cheating. When I told a friend I’d walked away from it all, including losing the home we had secured together, she was taken aback momentarily. “But given the sunk cost, couldn’t you have tried to find a way to…
There are no two sides to a story of infidelity

There are two sides to every story… We have all heard this phrase, often trotted out to excuse bad behaviour or muddy the waters when someone has done wrong. But when it comes to infidelity, the idea of “two sides” rarely holds up. Relationship Problems: Talk or walk away Cheating is a betrayal of trust…
How I used Stoicism to survive being cheated on

It’s difficult to understand the sheer trauma of being cheated on until you personally experience it. If you’ve faced it, be kind to yourself. Know that it’s okay to scream, and to cry. You’ve been betrayed and it probably feels like the sky has collapsed. But after the storm passes, when the dust settles, you are…
Cheating is the most scarlet of all flags

Dating a cheater, whether they cheated on you or someone else, is fundamentally about risk management. Whilst people certainly can change, the evidence and logic suggest that reconciling with a cheater deserves far more caution than many offer. It’s a bit like buying a used car that’s already broken down once. Sure, it might run…
Why Cheating is Abuse

Before I was cheated on, I didn’t think too much about it. Seeing politicians get embroiled in cheating scandals was a frivolous source of entertainment. It seemed like just another piece of gossip, a fleeting distraction from the more serious aspects of life. Therefore, I don’t blame those who have been lucky enough to have…
On Forgiveness around infidelity

Forgiveness is a feel-good, kumbaya term, like saving kittens or curing cancer. It represents burying the hatchet to get over a wrong. Because of this, it’s a very easy concept for third parties and society at large to latch onto and promote. Some folks may exhort you to turn the other cheek regardless of how…
They Aren’t Jekyll and Hyde: Who They Really Are Underneath

When you first learn you’ve been cheated on, it’s like someone’s pulled the rug out from under your reality. One moment, you’re standing on solid ground; the next, you’re free-falling through questions you never thought you’d have to ask. When my cheating ex admitted to it, my mind went blank momentarily, then instinctively tried to…