They Aren’t Jekyll and Hyde: Who They Really Are Underneath

When you first learn you’ve been cheated on, it’s like someone’s pulled the rug out from under your reality. One moment, you’re standing on solid ground; the next, you’re free-falling through questions you never thought you’d have to ask.

When my cheating ex admitted to it, my mind went blank momentarily, then instinctively tried to compartmentalise. I wanted to believe that the woman I loved and the person who betrayed me were two entirely different people, like a split personality. It felt easier to think of her infidelity as a temporary lapse, an aberration that did not reflect the person I thought I knew.

Yet on further reflection, I realised the hard truth: That there was not a “good side” and a “cheating side.” There was not a separate person I had lost. The woman I loved and the woman who cheated were one and the same. Her actions were not some external force acting upon her; they were a reflection of her character, her choices, and her values. Perhaps she had hidden these out of shame, societal pressure, or to keep me around. Yet, these have now been brought into the sunlight.

What truly helped me begin to heal was understanding that the person I had fallen in love with was, in many ways, an illusion. It was not that she had suddenly changed or become someone else. The image I had of her was simply incomplete. The betrayal did not create a new version of her; it revealed parts of her that had always been there but were hidden from view. Some of the warning signs, like the continued pursuit of external validation, especially from other men, suddenly became prominent once the cheating broke the rose-tinted lenses.

Realising this hurt, but it was also liberating. It allowed me to stop clinging to the idea of who I thought she was and start accepting the reality of who she truly is. It was not about blaming myself for not seeing it sooner. It was about acknowledging that people are complex, and sometimes we see only what we want to see.

Letting Go Of Illusions

For anyone who has been cheated on, it is natural to feel as though you have lost someone you loved deeply. Perhaps what you have actually done is pierce the illusion of who you thought they were. This is not your fault; it’s human to believe in the best version of someone we care about. Knowing the truth always hurts, but facing it is better than letting someone deceive you.

Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. It means stopping the cycle of revising who they are in your mind and accepting that people can hide who they truly are for a very long time. Once you see them clearly for who they are instead of struggling to reconcile two distinct images in your mind, you can begin to let go of the pain they caused and make room to build something better in your life.