Taking care of your health

Not only does being cheated on hurt emotionally, but it can also have real, tangible effects on your health. It’s completely unfair, but knowing what to watch out for means you can take back some control. You can take preventive action and protect yourself as best as possible. There are three areas to be careful of: sexual health, mental health, and physical health. The adverse effects can overlap, so it’s important to watch out for all three.

Sexual health

Your cheating partner may have picked up a venereal disease from their affair partners. Your partner’s infidelity has unfortunately exposed you to potential STIs, regardless of any claims they may provide about protection or their affair partner’s health status. After all, they have been dishonest. Research indicates that people engaged in infidelity often practice inconsistent condom use, with one study finding that condom use was 27-35% lower in sexually unfaithful relationships (Conley et al., 2012).

Many infections remain asymptomatic while still causing damage or being transmissible. Others may lie dormant until they become far more complex or nigh impossible to remove. I’d recommend scheduling testing for common STIs including:

• HIV
• Chlamydia
• Gonorrhea
• Syphilis
• Hepatitis B
• Herpes simplex virus
• Human papillomavirus (HPV)

Most health clinics offer confidential testing, and many community health centers provide reduced-cost or free screening service.

Even if you feel awkward or ashamed discussing the infidelity, the fact is that most doctors should be prepared to help you without judgement. My personal experience with doctors has been immensely impressive and professional. I disclosed fully how I was cheated on and my doctor made an informed call on the tests I should take. As a bonus, he also reassured me that he knew many married victims of infidelity who managed to walk out into new partnerships that made them happier.

I’d also strongly recommend stopping any sexual contact with the cheater. Frankly, no contact at all is best if you can manage it, though I do acknowledge that some couples will try for reconciliation. If you’re aiming for reconciliation, make sure they’re tested comprehensively, verify the results, and keep using barrier protection.

Mental health

Being cheated on has been linked to PTSD-like symptoms. It’s a common symptom, and you should know that it is not unique to you.

Research confirms that betrayal can trigger PTSD-like symptoms in the injured partner. These commonly include:

• Intrusive thoughts and flashbacks about the infidelity
• Hypervigilance and heightened startle responses
• Emotional numbing or detachment
• Avoidance behaviors related to triggers
• Sleep disturbances including nightmares

A 2019 study published in the Journal of Traumatic Stress found that 45.2% of individuals who experienced infidelity exhibited clinically significant PTSD symptoms (Roos et al., 2019). There are also heightened risks of depression and anxiety, and these are medical ailments you need to watch out for and be aware of.

There is no shame in going to therapy to help you heal, much as nobody feels shame for going to the hospital after being stabbed. It’s not a sign of weakness to be traumatised by a grave betrayal from someone you thought was a soulmate. Outside of therapy, seek the solace from trusted friends to keep your mind from spiralling. Hit up friends you haven’t met in awhile, and invest the time spared from accompanying a cheater into more productive friendships. Grab a coffee, go on a long walk. These can help to significantly lift the mental fog.

Physical health

Being cheated on has been linked to lasting physical health issues in this study (Hoy & Oh, 2024). 

The stress response triggered by discovering infidelity releases cortisol and other stress hormones that, when chronically elevated, can lead to:

• Cardiovascular strain including elevated blood pressure
• Digestive disturbances such as IBS flare-ups
• Compromised immune function
• Tension headaches and migraines
• Chronic muscle tension and pain
• Sleep disruption

Personally, my stomach was in knots and my bathroom visits were frequent enough to qualify as cardio. Turns out, ‘anxiety diarrhoea’ is a real thing. Not glamorous, but you’re definitely not alone if your gut’s gone rogue.

Picking up an exercise is great and also another avenue to meet new friends instead of wallowing in your own thoughts. I took on martial arts, which gave me an outlet for the pent-up aggression in me as a side benefit. Kept me in good health and out of jail, absolutely terrific bargain!

I splurged on healthy foods as well because I had the financial privilege to – eggs, nuts and fruit that I loved that could help fend off the physical and mental ailments I was at risk of. It’s been hard, so don’t compound the misery by eating instant ramen all the time.

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Your health deserves protection even when your trust has been violated. By addressing the sexual, mental, and physical health consequences of infidelity proactively, you reclaim power in your healing journey. Consider which strategies outlined here might best support your specific situation, and remember that seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Your situation and emotional turmoil will get better with time, so protect your long-term health to enjoy the light at the end of the tunnel

Citations

1. Roos, L. G., O’Connor, V., Canevello, A., & Bennett, J. M. (2019). Post‐traumatic stress and psychological health following infidelity in unmarried young adults. Stress and Health, 35(3), 2880. https://doi.org/10.1002/smi.2880
2. Hoy, E. Q. W., & Oh, V. Y. S. (2024). The consequences of spousal infidelity for long-term chronic health: A two-wave longitudinal analysis. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075241276713
3. Conley, Terri D.; Moors, Amy C.; Ziegler, Ali; Karathanasis, Constantina (2012). “Unfaithful Individuals are Less Likely to Practice Safer Sex Than Openly Nonmonogamous Individuals.” The Journal of Sexual Medicine 9(6). <http://hdl.handle.net/2027.42/92140>