The amazing thing is that the gaslighting somehow seems to repeat. Different cheating individuals, but it’s always the same few excuses. Please see the below list of common gaslighting themes that just keep popping up and what we have to say in refutation. Don’t let the cheater continue to mess with your head with their lies and blatant, illogical falsehoods.
Please, let me know via the contact form if you hear something that isn’t on this list, I’ll update it in.
The relationship was bad/toxic/had problems/dead bedroom/not getting enough attention
Unless there’s a reason why the person couldn’t leave the relationship, there is zero justification. Just. Walk. Away. Breakup instead of deceiving.
Cheater was stressed/drunk/made a mistake
There are many ways that one can express stress, or act in an intoxicated state. Go learn martial arts to pass on stress, or laugh with your mates in the street. Hurting the person who trusted you most is just flat out disgusting. You wouldn’t get a free pass committing any crimes, and you won’t get one for infidelity either. These are but mitigating factors, and in no way an excuse.
It just happened
Nothing just happens. Take some accountability for your actions! Imagine explaining how you deleted the entire company’s servers with a shrug and a “it just happens”. This is classic “I have no excuse so I’m gonna make some nonsense up”. You made a choice, so at least own it along with the consequences. That’s the only way to be less pathetic than you already are.
It didn’t mean anything/it was just sex/kiss/make out
You don’t get to choose what something does or does not mean, especially after the fact. Does anything mean anything to you – loyalty, honesty, or is everything just vacuous like you are? Also, if it didn’t mean anything, why the need for secrecy?
Everyone does it
Definitely not! Don’t smear us decent human beings with your disgusting projections. There are way more people who can keep their promises compared to those who do.
I have a high sex drive
Say it beforehand, and ask for an open relationship if the current arrangements don’t satisfy you. Doesn’t work with your partner? Then break up! Hunger isn’t an excuse to rob a bakery.
I needed to feel wanted
You were wanted, by your current partner. You sought it out from someone else, so now all you deserve is to be unwanted by anybody who doesn’t desire being cheated on.
I didn’t think you’d find out
So you underestimate your partner’s intelligence and resourcefulness, after betraying their trust. Dang, talk about insulting. This barely even cuts it as an excuse, so I suspect it’s used more as a statement to provoke and compound the pain.
Take care of yourself. You’re stronger than you know, and you will get through this.
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