Joseph Schumpeter showed that economic development undergoes waves of creative destruction. This theory posits that economic progress occurs through a continuous process where entrepreneurs introduce innovations that revolutionise economic structures from within, simultaneously destroying old industries while creating new ones.
As an economics nerd, I see being cheated on not as a dead end, but as part of a cycle. Much like the waves of ‘creative destruction’ that drive economies forward, the ordeal will propel you on to be stronger.
Borrowing Chump Lady’s terminology of “Chumped” for the cheated on, I thought “Chumpeterian Romantics” might be a positive way to view the heartrending process of being cheated on. Similar to economic progress, your romantic life is unlikely to be a nice linear path upwards ad-infinitum. However, the trajectory of life, whether in economics or romance, despite the vicissitudes present, is always towards the up and right.
There will be unpleasant times, when life evolves and mutates. To see progress unravel before our eyes is never an easy feat. Take heart, though, that it is only when the outdated and obsolete are washed away that something new can emerge through continued investment. A relationship with someone who betrays your trust is like an outdated business model: it cannot sustain future growth. The destruction of the relationship with a cheater is necessary to develop a new relationship with someone you deserve. Think of your ex as Blockbuster Video: Once an essential part of entertainment, now an obsolete product best replaced with a better alternative like Netflix.
Psychologists Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun (1996) have documented a phenomenon called post-traumatic growth, which reveals that individuals often experience profound personal development following highly distressing life events. They emerge with a deeper appreciation for life, enhanced personal strength, improved capacity for relating to others, recognition of new possibilities, and shifts in existential or spiritual perspective. Rather than remaining locked in betrayal, many people who experience romantic infidelity report discovering newfound clarity about their values, a clearer understanding of what they deserve in relationships, and a recalibrated sense of self-worth that was previously obscured. Like the entrepreneur who recognises that an obsolete business model must be dismantled to make room for innovation, the person navigating infidelity often emerges not merely recovered, but genuinely transformed, having shed illusions and rebuilt on firmer ground.
People did not anticipate the development of the internet, the iPhone, and artificial intelligence until it appeared in front of them, nor how dramatically these technologies would reshape their lives. Similarly, while standing in the wreckage of betrayal, it’s nearly impossible to imagine the fulfilling relationship waiting beyond your current pain. Still, have faith that it lies out there in the future.
‘“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.” ― Steve Jobs
Economic progress advances inevitably. Broken hearts always heal. Cheaters always get their karma. You’re hurt, but not catastrophically so. You’re just clearing space for something better. Trust the process. The best is yet to come.
References
- Tedeschi, R.G. and Calhoun, L.G. (1996), The posttraumatic growth inventory: Measuring the positive legacy of trauma. J. Traum. Stress, 9: 455-471. https://doi.org/10.1002/jts.2490090305
Take care of yourself. You’re stronger than you know, and you will get through this.
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